Lately I have been watching Long Island Medium on tv. I like her. She is a bit over the top personality wise for some, but she is who she is. I am 100% sure she would be just as over the top even if she wasn't a medium! And it makes good tv!! She is fun and doesn't take herself too seriously.
So this Mediumship thing is relatively new to me (5 yrs or so ) Most mediums that I know say they have been communicating with the spirit world their whole life.
If I have, I was not aware that was what was going on!
I had been taking classes in metaphysics here and there for a few years, settled into a class with Tina Michelle. I had gotten to a point where I felt I needed a teacher. I sent the request to the universe and I was granted a scholarship to attend her classes. These were invaluable to me as an introduction to metaphysics and a different way to be in this world.
From there i started taking classes on Shamanism from Steve Wilson in my area. Life changing. I had not undertook this journey with a goal to become psychic or talk to dead people. I just wanted to change my life (that's all, is that too much for a girl to ask??) I wanted clarity on why I was here , what I was here to do, how to not react to people or life situations, but instead to get past my own fears and emotional blocks and act from a grounded place. basically how to live my life the best possible way.
Well, as I continued on this journey profound changes started to take place. It wasn't easy, peeling back that onion as they say. Layer upon layer of wrong beliefs and un truths about myself and my world started to drop away. It was both exhilarating and painful . Just like birth I guess.
at one point about 7 years ago I noticed a buzzing in my ears that came and went. I had my physician look at it numerous times and she never saw anything.
It wasn't until I started acknowledging this that I realized it was energy.
I was still working on many blocks.
About 5 years ago I had a very interesting experience. I had been to the baby shower of my cousin in another state. I came home and that night I started to have , what felt like back labor (I had that with my first son). My first thought was "oh great, what did I do to myself now" it was unrelenting. I was still not use to taking on the feelings and emotions of those around me, so frankly i took it all as being me. I thought something 'bad' was happening and i was a little freaked out. I heard a voice in my head (yea, 'headcase'??!) saying to go into the shower. The element of Water helps to move emotions. Think of a running brook, a calm pond or a raging river.
So I am in the shower, with the water pounding on my back trying to get some relief and mentally trying to decide when to disrupt my families life to take me to the hospital. When in my minds eye I see a montage of images and feel all the feelings that go along with them.
Picture the beginning of a movie where in a very short time you are shown images that tell a very complete and succinct story. So after 3 min, you are all caught up and know exactly where the characters in the movie have come from/been through.
That is what I experienced. I saw the life of a woman in probably the 1800's who died in childbirth, after an excruciatingly hard labor.
She stayed by to watch over her son and make sure her husband cared for him properly. She was devastated that she could not mother her baby, and experience the joy of motherhood.
With what I now know, I am positive that this woman in spirit was attracted to the emotions that were swirling around the baby shower I attended. All of the love, joy and happiness that was present.
And she came home with me.
She wanted to be heard and was feeling so alone and lost since her son and husband had long ago passed on. She was still stuck in the emotions of loss and sadness.
Not having a physical body to process these emotions, I felt them for her. It was scary, not only because I didn't know really what was happening, but I thought I had crossed the line into crazyville!
I hope I helped her.
Then I had the experience with George.
I had learned that a friend of mine had passed. He was about 92 and it was a natural death. While sad for his family, I was happy for him to be reunited with his wife who had passed years before and who he missed terribly every single day.
About 72 hours after he passed I started having chest pains. Again, my first thought is "oh, hmm...what did I eat?" (was at this time dealing with lost of food sensitivities and health issues) it was non stop and became quite painful. Again I hopped in the shower looking for relief this time. While there , honestly planning my funeral and hoping my boys dressed nicely for it, I got a 'download' of information about George...basically he wanted to say goodbye to me.
I had, in my head a nice conversation with him. and then the pain stopped and he was gone.
No need to worry about my kids wardrobe for the wake.
Ok, now I had some thinking to do. What I thought I was experiencing fit into what I was being taught.
All of the following crossed my mind.
1. I was crazy
2. I had such an active imagination that i was causing this to happen
3. I had a deep buried need to be special and this is how it was coming out(the need to be special is rampant in our world right now)
4. I was insane (see #1)
5. I was communicating with the deceased
6. I was nuts (see #1&4)
I decided on #1,4 &6. But relabeled it "functionally insane" because I was getting up in the morning and feeding my kids, my house was taken care of , I was keeping myself and my family alive. These thoughts and experiences were not interfering with my day to day life. So I may be insane, but I could still cook dinner. I decided to keep this little gem to myself.
I would mention these 'episodes' to friends at class and some would shrug and say"yea, that happens all the time. You have mediumship abilities"
What I heard was "oh, they are just as crazy as I am , so what did I expect hanging with a roomful of insane people."
The episode that turned me into a believer of myself was one I will always cherish and be thankful for.
I had reconnected with an old friend. He is a veteran of the Army Special Forces. We spent a few days exchanging emails catching up. Every time I read one if his emails I felt a particular feeling of energy on the back of my right shoulder. It felt just like a hand on me, except instead of warm flesh, I felt buzzing energy.
I ignored it.
I told it to go away.
I headed to the shower.
It was the most intense experience up until that point (and to be honest, even years later) I was shown about a 5 min montage of this young man, dying, felt the emotion that my friend felt, saw him in the hospital, saw some experiences my friend had after this young soldiers death.
At the end I asked what I was suppose to do with this information.
"Tell him to let it go"
I can just see that conversation ...
"Oh, and I have 2 sons.......oh yea and I speak to the dead and your friend XXX said to let it go"
"tell him you had a dream"
Well now. I hadn't thought of that.
I called Steve. Told him what was going on.
"Congratulation! You are a healer"
"spirits have their own agendas, and if a living person has not asked for you to connect for them, you really need to use your own discernment on whether to engage or not"
So I did. I sent a short email saying I had a dream the night before about him and a man named XXX.
I got an immediate response and to put it mildly he completely freaked out . Seems as though he had never told any one about this old friend. Not even his wife.
So I hesitantly came clean. I asked him if he wanted to hear what XXX wanted me to tell him.
Ok , not being the most sensitive person at this point (remember I was wrestling with the fear that I was going insane)
I kind of went off on him. This guy had been bugging me for close to two weeks and now he DOESNT want to know what his friend needed to say??!
After speaking on the phone with my friend I started to understand what my friend was going through emotionally and I backed off.
XXX stayed around. Nice guy.
Eventually I did meet up with my friend for lunch and we were able to talk .
He validated every image I had gotten, from the way he died to his friends favorite food.
he had been so freaked out that he had called his previously employer down in DC and another old friend and accused them of talking to me and telling me these things.
I wish I could say my friend released the guilt he had been hanging on to regarding his friends death.
I wish I could say that XXX was able to move on.
He wasn't . he wanted to stay until my friend let go of the crippling guilt he was hanging on to.
I wish I could say my friend became a believer.
He didn't. He attributed this to our 'connection' way back when.
What I was able to take away from this is that I wasn't functionally insane.
But now I had a decision to make. This was a road I was on. Being a high achiever, I had a choice, embrace it or walk away.
I have been gradually embracing it over the last 4 years. this coincided with my journey with raw foods. Eating raw has helped me rise my vibrations, which in turn has helped me have a clearer connection. So I guess you could say I eat raw for religious purposes!
My experience as a medium is going to be different from any other mediums experience. I am always interested in how other mediums experience spirit.
Ok, my rant is over.